The Compleat Bolo Read online

  A deep carpet-even here-muffled my footsteps. I could hear the clash of pots and crockery from the kitchen a hundred feet distant along the hallway. I went along to a deep-set doorway ten feet from the kitchen, tried the knob, and looked into a dark room. I pushed the door shut and leaned against it, watching the kitchen. Through the woodwork I could feel the thump of the bass notes from the orchestra blasting away three flights up. The odors of food-roast fowl, baked ham, grilled horsemeat-curled under the kitchen door and wafted under my nose. I pulled my belt up a notch and tried to swallow the dryness in my throat. The old man had fed me a half a gallon of stew before we left home, but I was already working up a fresh appetite.

  Five slow minutes passed. Then the kitchen door swung open and a tall round-shouldered fellow with a shiny bald scalp stepped into view, a tray balanced on the spread fingers of one hand. He turned, the black tails of his cutaway swirling, called something behind him, and started past me. I stepped out, clearing my throat. He shied, whirled to face me. He was good at his job: the two dozen tiny glasses on the tray stood fast. He blinked, got an indignant remark ready-

  I showed him the knife the old man had lent me-a bonehandled job with a six-inch switchblade. "Make a sound and I'll cut your throat," I said softly. "Put the tray on the floor."

  He started to back. I brought the knife up. He took a good look, licked his lips, crouched quickly, and put the tray down.

  "Turn around."

  I stepped in and chopped him at the base of the neck with the edge of my hand. He folded like a two-dollar umbrella.

  I wrestled the door open and dumped him inside, paused a moment to listen. All quiet. I worked his black coat and trousers off, unhooked the stiff white dickey and tie. He snored softly. I pulled the clothes on over the weather suit. They were a fair fit. By the light of my pencil flash I cut down a heavy braided cord hanging by a high window, used it to truss the waiter's hands and feet together behind him. There was a small closet opening off the room. I put him in it, closed the door, and stepped back into the hall. Still quiet. I tried one of the drinks. It wasn't bad.

  I took another, then picked up the tray and followed the sounds of music.

  The grand ballroom was a hundred yards long, fifty wide, with walls of rose, gold and white, banks of high windows hung with crimson velvet, a vaulted ceiling decorated with cherubs, and a polished acre of floor on which gaudily gowned and uniformed couples moved in time to the heavy beat of the traditional foxtrot. I moved slowly along the edge of the crowd, looking for the Baron.

  A hand caught my arm and hauled me around. A glass fell off my tray, smashed on the floor.

  A dapper little man in black and white headwaiter's uniform glared up at me.

  "What do you think you're doing, cretin?" he hissed. "That's the genuine ancient stock you're slopping on the floor." I looked around quickly; no one else seemed to be paying any attention.

  "Where are you from?" he snapped. I opened my mouth-

  "Never mind, you're all the same." He waggled his hands disgustedly. "The field hands they send me-a disgrace to the Black. Now, you! Stand up! Hold your tray proudly, gracefully! Step along daintily, not like a knight taking the field! and pause occasionally-just on the chance that some noble guest might wish to drink."

  "You bet, pal," I said. I moved on, paying a little more attention to my waiting. I saw plenty of green uniforms; pea green, forest green, emerald green-but they were all hung with braid and medals. According to pop, the Baron affected a spartan simplicity. The diffidence of absolute power.

  There were high white and gold doors every few yards along the side of the ballroom. I spotted one standing open and sidled toward it. It wouldn't hurt to reconnoiter the area.

  Just beyond the door, a very large sentry in a bottle-green uniform almost buried under gold braid moved in front of me. He was dressed like a toy soldier, but there was nothing playful about the way he snapped his power gun to the ready. I winked at him.

  "Thought you boys might want a drink," I hissed. "Good stuff."

  He looked at the tray, licked his lips. "Get back in there, you fool," he growled. "You'll get us both hanged."

  "Suit yourself, pal." I backed out. Just before the door closed between us, he lifted a glass off the tray.

  I turned, almost collided with a long lean cookie in a powder-blue outfit complete with dress sabre, gold frogs, leopard-skin facings, a pair of knee-length white gloves looped under an epaulette, a pistol in a fancy holster, and an eighteen-inch swagger stick. He gave me the kind of look old maids give sin.

  "Look where you're going, swine," he said in a voice like a pine board splitting.

  "Have a drink, admiral," I suggested.

  He lifted his upper lip to show me a row of teeth that hadn't had their annual trip to the dentist lately. The ridges along each side of his mouth turned greenish white. He snatched for the gloves on his shoulder, fumbled them; they slapped the floor beside me.

  "I'd pick those up for you, boss," I said, "but I've got my tray…"

  He drew a breath between his teeth, chewed it into strips, and snorted it back at me, then snapped his fingers and pointed with his stick toward the door behind me.

  "Through there, instantly!" It didn't seem like the time to argue; I pulled it open and stepped through.

  The guard in green ducked his glass and snapped to attention when he saw the baby-blue outfit. My new friend ignored him, made a curt gesture to me. I got the idea, trailed along the wide, high, gloomy corridor to a small door, pushed through it into a well-lit tile-walled latrine. A big-eyed slave in white ducks stared.

  Blue-boy jerked his head. "Get out!" The slave scuttled away. Blue-boy turned to me.

  "Strip off your jacket, slave! Your owner has neglected to teach you discipline."

  I looked around quickly, saw that we were alone.

  "Wait a minute while I put the tray down, corporal," I said. "We don't want to waste any of the good stuff." I turned to put the tray on a soiled linen bin, caught a glimpse of motion in the mirror.

  I ducked, and the nasty-looking little leather quirt whistled past my ear, slammed against the edge of a marble-topped lavatory with a crack like a pistol shot. I dropped the tray, stepped in fast and threw a left to Blue-boy's jaw that bounced his head against the tiled wall. I followed up with a right to the belt buckle, then held him up as he bent over, gagging, and hit him hard under the ear.

  I hauled him into a booth, propped him up and started shedding the waiter's blacks.

  5

  I left him on the floor wearing my old suit, and stepped out into the hall.

  I liked the feel of his pistol at my hip. It was an old-fashioned.38, the same model I favored. The blue uniform was a good fit, what with the weight I'd lost. Blue-boy and I had something in common after all.

  The latrine attendant goggled at me. I grimaced like a quadruple amputee trying to scratch his nose and jerked my head toward the door I had come out of. I hoped the gesture would look familiar.

  "Truss that mad dog and throw him outside the gates," I snarled. I stamped off down the corridor, trying to look mad enough to discourage curiosity.

  Apparently it worked. Nobody yelled for the cops.

  I reentered the ballroom by another door, snagged a drink off a passing tray, checked over the crowd. I saw two more powder-blue getups, so I wasn't unique enough to draw special attention. I made a mental note to stay well away from my comrades in blue. I blended with the landscape, chatting and nodding and not neglecting my drinking, working my way toward a big arched doorway on the other side of the room that looked like the kind of entrance the head man might use. I didn't want to meet him. Not yet. I just wanted to get him located before I went any further.

  A passing wine slave poured a full inch of genuine ancient stock into my glass, ducked his head, and moved on. I gulped it like sour bar whiskey. My attention was elsewhere.

  A flurry of activity near the big door indicated that maybe my guess had b
een accurate. Potbellied officials were forming up in a sort of reception line near the big double door. I started to drift back into the rear rank, bumped against a fat man in medals and a sash who glared, fingered a monocle with a plump ring-studded hand, and said, "Suggest you take your place, colonel," in a suety voice.

  I must have looked doubtful, because he bumped me with his paunch, and growled, "Foot of the line! Next to the Equerry, you idiot." He elbowed me aside and waddled past.

  I took a step after him, reached out with my left foot, and hooked his shiny black boot. He leaped forward, off balance, medals jangling. I did a fast fade while he was still groping for his monocle, eased into a spot at the end of the line.

  The conversation died away to a nervous murmur. The doors swung back and a pair of guards with more trimmings than a phony stock certificate stamped into view, wheeled to face each other, and presented arms-chrome-plated automatic rifles, in this case. A dark-faced man with thinning gray hair, a pug nose, and a trimmed gray Vandyke came into view, limping slightly from a stiffish knee.

  His unornamented gray outfit made him as conspicuous in this gathering as a crane among peacocks. He nodded perfunctorily to left and right, coming along between the waiting rows of flunkeys, who snapped-to as he came abreast, wilted and let out sighs behind him. I studied him closely. He was fifty, give or take the age of a bottle of second-rate bourbon, with the weather-beaten complexion of a former outdoor man and the same look of alertness grown bored that a rattlesnake farmer develops-just before the fatal bite.

  He looked up and caught my eye on him, and for a moment I thought he was about to speak. Then he went on past.

  At the end of the line he turned abruptly and spoke to a man who hurried away. Then he engaged in conversation with a cluster of head-bobbing guests.

  I spent the next fifteen minutes casually getting closer to the door nearest the one the Baron had entered by. I looked around; nobody was paying any attention to me. I stepped past a guard who presented arms. The door closed softly, cutting off the buzz of talk and the worst of the music.

  I went along to the end of the corridor. From the transverse hall, a grand staircase rose in a sweep of bright chrome and pale wood. I didn't know where it led, but it looked right. I headed for it, moving along briskly like a man with important business in mind and no time for light chitchat.

  Two flights up, in a wide corridor of muted lights, deep carpets, brocaded wall hangings, mirrors, urns, and an odor of expensive tobacco and cuir russe, a small man in black bustled from a side corridor. He saw me. He opened his mouth, closed it, half turned away, then swung back to face me. I recognized him; he was the headwaiter who had pointed out the flaws in my waiting style half an hour earlier.

  "Here-" he started.

  I chopped him short with a roar of what I hoped was authentic upper-crust rage.

  "Direct me to his Excellency's apartments, scum! And thank your guardian imp I'm in too great haste to cane you for the insolent look about you!"

  He went pale, gulped hard, and pointed. I snorted and stamped past him down the turning he had indicated.

  This was Baronial country, all right. A pair of guards stood at the far end of the corridor.

  I'd passed half a dozen with no more than a click of heels to indicate they saw me. These two shouldn't be any different-and it wouldn't look good if I turned and started back at sight of them. The first rule of the gate-crasher is to look as if you belong where you are.

  I headed in their direction.

  When I was fifty feet from them they both shifted rifles-not to present-arms position, but at the ready. The nickle-plated bayonets were aimed right at me. It was no time for me to look doubtful; I kept on coming. At twenty feet, I heard their rifle bolts snick home. I could see the expressions on their faces now; they looked as nervous as a couple of teenage sailors on their first visit to a joy house.

  "Point those butter knives into the corner, you banana-fingered cotton choppers!" I said, looking bored, and didn't waver. I unlimbered my swagger stick and slapped my gloved hand with it, letting them think it over. The gun muzzles dropped-just slightly. I followed up fast.

  "Which is the anteroom to the Baron's apartments?" I demanded.

  "Uh… this here is his Excellency's apartments, sir, but-"

  "Never mind the lecture, you milk-faced fool," I cut in. "Which is the anteroom, damn you!"

  "We got orders, sir. Nobody's to come closer than that last door back there."

  "We got orders to shoot," the other interrupted. He was a little older-maybe twenty-two, I turned on him.

  "I'm waiting for an answer to a question!"

  "Sir, the Articles-"

  I narrowed my eyes. "I think you'll find paragraph Two B covers Special Cosmic Top Secret Couriers. When you go off duty, report yourselves on punishment. Now, the anteroom! And be quick about it!"

  The bayonets were sagging now. The younger of the two licked his lips. "Sir, we never been inside. We don't know how it's laid out in there. If the colonel wants to just take a look…"

  The other guard opened his mouth to say something. I didn't wait to find out what it was. I stepped between them, muttering something about bloody recruits and important messages, and worked the fancy handle on the big gold and white door. I paused to give the two sentries a hard look.

  "I hope I don't have to remind you that any mention of the movements of a Cosmic Courier is punishable by slow death. Just forget you ever saw me." I went on in and closed the door without waiting to catch the reaction to that one.

  The Baron had done well by himself in the matter of decor. The room I was in-a sort of lounge-cum-bar-was paved in two-inch-deep nylon fuzz, the color of a fog at sea, that foamed up at the edges against walls of pale blue brocade with tiny yellow flowers. The bar was a teak log split down the middle and polished. The glasses sitting on it were like tissue paper engraved with patterns of nymphs and satyrs. Subdued light came from somewhere, along with a faint melody that seemed to speak of youth, long ago.

  I went on into the room. I found more soft light, the glow of hand-rubbed rare woods, rich fabrics, and wide windows with a view of dark night sky. The music was coming from a long, low, built-in speaker with a lamp, a heavy crystal ashtray, and a display of hothouse roses. There was a scent in the air. Not the cuir russe and Havana leaf I'd smelled in the hall, but a subtler perfume.

  I turned and looked into the eyes of a girl with long black lashes. Smooth black hair came down to bare shoulders. An arm as smooth and white as whipped cream was draped over a chair back, the hand holding an eight-inch cigarette holder and sporting a diamond as inconspicuous as a chrome-plated hubcap.

  "You must want something pretty badly," she murmured, batting her eyelashes at me. I could feel the breeze at ten feet. I nodded. Under the circumstances that was about the best I could do.

  "What could it be," she mused, "that's worth being shot for?" Her voice was like the rest of her: smooth, polished and relaxed-and with plenty of moxie held in reserve. She smiled casually, drew on her cigarette, tapped ashes onto the rug.

  "Something bothering you, colonel?" she inquired. "You don't seem talkative."

  "I'll do my talking when the Baron arrives," I said.

  "In that case, Jackson," said a husky voice behind me, "you can start any time you like."

  * * *

  I held my hands clear of my body and turned around slowly-just in case there was a nervous gun aimed at my spine. The Baron was standing near the door, unarmed, relaxed. There were no guards in sight. The girl looked mildly amused. I put my hand on the pistol butt.

  "How do you know my name?" I asked.

  The Baron waved toward a chair. "Sit down, Jackson," he said, almost gently. "You've had a tough time of it-but you're all right now." He walked past me to the bar, poured out two glasses, turned, and offered me one. I felt a little silly standing there fingering the gun; I went over and took the drink.

  "To the old days." The Baron raised
his glass.

  I drank. It was the genuine ancient stock, all right. "I asked you how you knew my name," I said.

  "That's easy. I used to know you."

  He smiled faintly. There was something about his face…

  "You look well in the uniform of the Penn dragoons," he said. "Better than you ever did in Aerospace blue."

  "Good God!" I said. "Toby Mallon!"

  He ran a hand over his bald head. "A little less hair on top, plus a beard as compensation, a few wrinkles, a slight pot. Oh, I've changed, Jackson."

  "I had it figured as close to eighty years," I said. "The trees, the condition of the buildings-"

  "Not far off the mark. Seventy-eight years this spring."

  "You're a well-preserved hundred and ten, Toby."

  He nodded. "I know how you feel. Rip Van Winkle had nothing on us."

  "Just one question, Toby. The men you sent out to pick me up seemed more interested in shooting than talking. I'm wondering why."

  Mallon threw out his hands. "A little misunderstanding, Jackson. You made it; that's all that counts. Now that you're here, we've got some planning to do together. I've had it tough these last twenty years. I started off with nothing: a few hundred scavengers living in the ruins, hiding out every time Jersey or Dee-Cee raided for supplies. I built an organization, started a systematic salvage operation. I saved everything the rats and the weather hadn't gotten to, spruced up my palace here, and stocked it. It's a rich province, Jackson-"

  "And now you own it all. Not bad, Toby."

  "They say knowledge is power. I had the knowledge."

  I finished my drink and put the glass on the bar.

  "What's this planning you say we have to do?"

  Mallon leaned back on one elbow.

  "Jackson, it's been a long haul-alone. It's good to see an old shipmate. But we'll dine first."

  "I might manage to nibble a little something. Say a horse, roasted whole. Don't bother to remove the saddle."